"Write down your worries. And then depress your companions by reading them out loud." - Eeyore

Ok, I just realized that the singer I'm listening to has a bizarre name. Her last name is her first name backwards. That would make her full name a palindrome. Weird. Ok, moving on.

I had a really down day yesterday. It was like a downpour of sadness washed over me and I couldn't really pinpoint why.

I just felt so sad and low. Everything made me sad. I walked to the Imperial Theater box office to get my mom and I tickets for The Boy From Oz. On the way I passed a poster for 42nd St. (b'way show, not the street). I got all depressed looking at all the actresses, it made me jealous. That always happens when I go to shows. I envy those people up there. They made it! They are living my dream. Sometimes my eyes fill up thinking about it while watching them sing and dance and looking like they're having the time of their lives.  It's times like that, that I realize how weak I am. The thought of pursuing that dream frightens me. These thoughts trigger a downward spiral. I think about all the things that I'm afraid of. I feel paralyzed by fear sometimes about everyday things like making a simple phonecall. Alright, this is turning into a therapy session...

I did manage to score tickets to "Oz." I think I got the last ones for a weekend matinee, the show closes on September 12th. We are going this weekend. I can't wait to see how much my mom will enjoy it. I know she will : ) Kristine and I saw it for my birthday and thoroughly enjoyed watching Hugh Jackman prance around and sing!

Diana helped me a lot yesterday online. I'm going to miss her IM's when she starts her fancy job. She suggested I create a list of things I want to accomplish. She said, "make up a list of 25 or 50 things..." I had to laugh at that. I can't imagine I have more than 5; maybe THAT'S my problem! She also suggested I take a class. There are so many out there - painting, yoga, cooking etc... I think I just might. I did some research yesterday and of course some of the things I found brought my insecurities back up to the surface. I considered looking into acting classes, but I'm so scared to take one. My friends and family would be surprised to hear that cause I've done lots of plays and enjoyed every second. I don't know what's wrong with me; why more and more things intimidate me. I've gotta start working on myself, improving myself. I want to accomplish important things.

Thank you to everyone that listened to me yesterday, when I really needed it most. You are the best and can always make me smile and feel better about myself. Thanks for letting me ramble on and on and on..................

 

"It's the last thing that I need right now, someone to bring me down..."

Blah

Today promises to be a boring Sunday. I have absolutely nothing going on today. It does look to be a pretty, sunny day, but of course our pool turned green in the past couple days. I don't know about you, but swimming in algae doesn't appeal to me in the slightest.

Yesterday, my mom, brother, his friend John and I went to Staples and had a little shopping spree. We needed to get everything my mom would need to set up an office at home. She got a new job and will be doing some of the work from home. It's incredible all the little things you think of that belong in an office - stapler, tape dispenser, wastebasket, filing cabinet, paper clips, etc...

Last night I actually made dinner! I made Rocco Dispirito's (from NBC's The Restaurant), Penne Alla Vodka!!http://www.nbc.com/nbc/The_Restaurant/recipes/01.shtml                                                             It was sooo good - def restaurant caliber! Everyone liked! I will have to make it again soon!!

Today is going to be totally lame. I hate days like this, when from the moment you wake up, you know you ae just going to be bored allllll day. What a waste.

Maybe I'll put some things up on eBay. My mom went through all of her jewelry and gave me a ton of stuff. So I think I'll be putting some of it up.

To top off this lousy day, I got a dentist appointment right after work tomorrow to fill a bunch of cavities - yippee! I know he's going to ask when I want to deal with my bad wisdom tooth, but I'm completely dreading that and want to put it off as long as I can. He makes me nervous cause he keeps asking, "Do you want to be put under for that?" Shouldn't he be giving me guidance in that department?

 

Flowers!

Jay just sent me these! Total surprise! YAY! : )

Thanks Jay!!!

Scenes from Nashville

Well I finally got my Nashville trip pictures onto my computer. So sit back and relax whilst I take you on a little tour of Tennessee....

 

Click "view larger" for the ULTIMATE EXPERIENCE!

Long Time, No Write

Please excuse my TV selection for this evening. There really is not much on, I swear! Besides, I wanted to dig into this journal entry before it got much later.

At the moment, I am sitting at Cindy's apartment in NYC. Once again, I am apartment/cat-sitting for her. It's a pretty sweet deal. I'm only 1 subway stop from work, so I can sleep later - although I never do. My biological alarm clock gets me up at like 6:47 a.m. whenever I stay here. What do I do with all that spare time you ask? I watch NY1 (an all-news network on channel 1 that's only available in NYC) like every other self-respecting New Yorker does ; ) Okay, should I be scared? The lights just flickered twice - creepy!

So I know y'all are waiting with baited breath for news about my Cavy. Well, wait no more...it's home! It's all fixed and detailed too! The mechanic replaced the airbag harness & module, fixed locks, and replaced carpeting! It looks spiffier than when I first got it I'm told! My brother and dad brought it to my house tonight.

I went with my fellow HBO'ers Matthew and Youssef to "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle." It was a funny movie, kinda what I expected it to be like. And of course, we capped off the evening with a stop at the infamous burger joint! Mmm mmm good!

I'm so psyched for the end of the week. My mom and I are going to Manahawkin, NJ to stay with Jay at his family's beach house from Thursday to Saturday. Manahawkin is near Long Beach Island. I can't wait to get into that ocean and lay on the sand. We are also bringing our little doxie Rudy with us, should be interesting. Jay has his big black lab, Buster with him down there. I hope the weather is good to us - pray for us!! I expect that we'll have a really nice time together : )

 

Back from Nash'!

Phew, I just read Diana's journal entry regarding my visit to Nashville, suddenly I'm feeling plagaristic (is that even a word?) She gets props for giving me a whirlwind tour of this once mysterious city in just 2 days! I had a lovely time seeing the sites and taking loads of pictures. I will be posting them soon. In the meantime, since I don't have time to type much, take a look at Diana's Journal for more details!

Car Update

Well, the insurance inspector guy came and estimated that it would cost $1184 to fix my car. They would put in a new airbag module, reset my door locks, replace carpeting, and deodorize upholstry. The next step is to have my mechanic check it out and come up with another estimate once he takes out seats and pulls up carpeting (insurance guy didn't do all that.) I'll keep you posted.